Mom Of Two Boys

Well it's here and I can't believe it. The first day of school has arrived. By now we have done everything we set out to do this summer. In the last few weeks they even got to try out golfing. Jake made some new friends in the community we live in. I even had a group of them in my pool. We learned some new Spanish words, Evan learned letter recognition and Jake reviewed math while keeping up with his reading. He got through one and a half Wimpy Kid books and I accomplished the unimagineable... I finished reading a book this summer! As I predicted though, the kids started to get a little cabin fever and I was starting to feel ready to get them back to the routine...however that day before always gets me. It's a feeling I get when the realization sets in that they are another grade higher and they are getting more independent. Maybe it's because I am home with them and kept them home for most of the summer. I get really attached to them. No matter how much I yell or get frustrated with them ( it's not their fault, it's my own temperment and ego I am dealing with)I'm never ready to let them go. Jake had an endless list of supplies and I'm used to his back-to-school routine by now. He was a good boy this morning and didn't complain one bit. But this year, my baby, Evan, has to go everyday and he is as happy as can be to learn. He has a big-boy classroom, is going to get to ride on a bus to the special trips to the library and wear a cap and gown at the end of this school year to graduate to kindergarten.

Although, I am happy for him, I am crushed inside. This is the one, two punch. Pre-K and then kindergarten. For a mom who primarily stays home, works part-time or works from home this is the killer year for the mom. This is the year where the child must attend everyday, not twice or three times a week... everyday. Something about that spits the reality of what's to come right in our faces. My baby is on his way to boyhood and things change. It's inevitable. Once they go to elementary school, they socialize differently they learn and grow at what seems to be an accelerated rate. They relate to their siblings and parents a little differently, not saying it's good or bad, just different. For example, when I leave Evan who has me hold him the whole way down the corridor to the classroom, he says, "just one more kiss mommy, oh yeah, and a hug...(turns around, comes back) wait, one more kiss and hug mommy, again." Jake who is 8, stopped doing that after kindergarten, and these days once they enter that building called elementary school, you, the mom or dad, are not even allowed to walk them to class. Usually, Jake likes to give me the kisses behind closed doors, where his peers can't see. I know it's inevitable with Evan now too. Those kisses and hugs are my heart's reward, my bonus and forever paycheck. As they get older it becomes less and less and that is sad. I felt it with Jake and soon Evan will turn that corner too. It is heartbreaking reality for me. I know they love me, but it's different. They are not babies anymore.

Some joke that motherhood is a job or a bunch of jobs rolled into one. And no matter what else is going on in my world, I always make this "job" number one and I try to execute from the heart, spirit and mind. I love my boys and this is a day that's all heart for me.