Breaking Hearts

Valentine's Day is creeping up and my heart's all a flutter. Since having my boys, I am always thinking of ways to make V-day special for them, not just my hubby. In the past I 've taken them on "dates," given them stuffed animals or little dollar toys and almost always make them special goodies to eat, with red and pink icing or sprinkles of course.
So this year I kicked it off with signing up my oldest, Jake, and I for the "Sweetheart Dance" at his school. This is the dance where fathers and their daughters and moms and their sons get gussied up and purchase a corsage, get a photo taken and dance the night away to the stylings of a dj, taking breaks for refreshments, pizza and dessert. This is the dance I couldn't get into last year because I was too late signing up and Jake seemed a little bummed about it. Therefore this year I made it my priority to sign up with a check the very next day the flyer came home in the backpack.

I was talking about this event for weeks and I even made sure Jake had a brand new collared shirt while I picked out a pretty red shirt for the occasion. Now the morning of the event, I had a little hint that maybe Jake wasn't as excited as I, when he exclaimed, "Mom, please don't wear the red lipstick..it's embarrassing." Ouch, that didn't feel good, but I would certainly oblige.

That night Evan, my baby, was to have a boys night with his daddy. Meanwhile while I was getting ready, Jake came into my room not looking particularly thrilled. I, however, was on cloud nine. The whole idea of taking my little man to a dance made my heart happy and it was like we were pals for a moment. But that moment was fleeting. Once I walked into the kitchen and saw Evan with tear-filled eyes asking me not to leave, my heart was sad. I was probably a little more devastated than I am letting on, however that was just preparation for what was about to happen next... After I calmed Evan down a little and promised to hurry back, Jake and I walked out of the room and he said, "let's just get this over with." Someone may as well have shot me at that moment.

Let's just get this over with? Really Jake? So now I am realizing that I am breaking one child's heart only to go out on the town with the other one who doesn't even really want to go. My heart was doubly broken in a matter of two minutes. Of course my hubby John kept reiterating that Jake is only seven and he doesn't realize the meaning behind what he is saying... blah, blah, blah, blooey... yeah I get it but it still hurts. Jake realized his faux pas after a few moments and apologized. Again, it still hurts because I know his heart is not in it.

SO now I disappointingly escorted my reluctant sweetheart to the dance where we waited on a line. I promised him that we didn't have to stay long but something amazing happened when we got there. Jake spotted some friends and all is well in his world. Mine is still crushed. I tried to fake my hurt and I plastered a perma-smile on my face while taking pictures of him having a ball, getting on stage and dancing to "Greased Lightning" with his buds wishing he would want to dance to at least one song with me. Closing in on the two-hour long dance he finally does the conga line with me. Beggars can't be choosy. I am just thrilled he let me into his world and sat with me to eat pizza and cake. By the end I just wanted to get home to Evan whom I knew would be waiting.

When Jake and I arrived home, Evan was giggling and having a blast with his dad in the playroom and I was happy for them. I was also happy that whatever little pain I had caused him was long gone. Unfortunately my heart was still smarting. After all it was a double blow. Sure, Evan got passed it and I did with Jake to some extent... but what it meant still bothers me. It meant that Jake is growing up a bit and doesn't always want mom around. Mom is not his only girl anymore, nor does he need me for everything. He is becoming a little independent and I guess I should be a little excited for him. As for me if this is a sign of things to come, I think I will stock up on the chocolate and get the tissues handy cause my heart's gonna get broken a lot.