Sharing

I read Stephanie Dolgoff’s article in this month’s issue of Parenting magazine on my way back from Orlando with my family and I couldn't stop laughing and wanting to shout out, "so true, so true... sad, but true!" It was so great, I feel I have to share. I know other moms will sympathize with some of these feelings and if not then you are just trying to be Polly Perfect and lying to yourself. Stephanie writes… “Sure you could be more organized, more cheerful, more on top of every little detail. But you’re not a Mombot and no one , except, perhaps you, expects you to be!” She lists 31 things that we moms should give ourselves leeway to do and not feel guilty about. For example, #1- “Taking a vacation with only your husband. It’s such a tragedy for the kids to spend time with their superindulgent grandparents!”
Well hell, I'm still working on #1...getting away riddles me with guilt and I think this article was just the kick in the pants I needed. #24 was so on the money – “Reading this article instead of soliciting donations for the PTA auction, cultivating your organic vegetable garden or cleaning out that kitchen drawer with the random rubber bands, screwdrivers and old keyes in it. Even machines need to unplug and reboot every so often.” I just love her. But I had some input of my own after reading this and added my take to her #17... making the grandparents take the kids on Saturday nights so hubby and I can have a conversation and act like adults. Also to her #30 I added -being increasingly PO'd about the loose skin from delivering two 9lb boys! Here's my original top 10 things I am trying not to feel guilty about in my non-perfect world (no matter how much I try to be) that I would love to share that you all might find funny, but true:

- Secretly wishing I had a voodoo doll of my hubby when he snuggles into bed at 11 like clockwork, meanwhile I am still cleaning the kitchen, making lunches, laundry or working on the computer.
- An addendum to the prior one - giving son lunch money cause I didn't get to make the lunch!
-Not letting the kids watch wrestling, do sleepovers, drink soda, just cause "I said so."
-For letting my son button his dress shirt for the holiday show at school, then arriving in the audience to see he mismatched the buttons.
-For letting them play Wii, a lot.
- Not having time or forgetting to sew on the tae kwon do stars, patches, etc. on the uniform.

-Not letting them ride in their random friend's mom's cars because I don't know the mom/dad or just plain don't trust em .
-Not having the scrapbooks done... not even close. And the moms who do piss me off!
-Having a three hour hair appt. once every two months
-Starbucks breaks
-Putting the kids to bed extra early to catch up on a show or just take a bath and have a glass of wine.
There, I said it! I love my hubby and my friends who scrapbook so take it with a grain of salt and moms, please have a sense of humor and laugh at yourself once in a while. Stephanie's article if nothing else, made me laugh out loud and that felt good. I hope you get a chuckle from this too. A good laugh and some “me” time is really great for your well-being..

Sleeping with Boys

Right now I am so filled with joy to be sharing this life with my boys.
It was Jake's birthday yesterday and we celebrated by taking him up to the Nickelodeon Hotel in Orlando. The night before we left, my little one, Evan had me get in bed with him for a little bit before he fell asleep, as we do most nights. We usually read a book and then he rests his head on my belly. I swear I think that boy wishes he was back in my belly. At one point, he looked up at me and said in a soft voice, "You are the best mommy I ever saw," then gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek. Talk about melting. I was mush. I was excited for our trip together. Jake absolutely loved it. We did the same thing last year. This year the plan was to see Epcot Friday and spend the day at the hotel Saturday. There is lots to do there and Florida resident discount time is the way to go. However, Friday was rainy so we opted to enjoy the hotel and when there was little or no rain the boys still enjoyed the heated pool and the wacky water slides. Saturday did not go according to my plan but as it turned out, that was fine. I am so planned and managing in my daily life that I sometimes forget to just go with the flow while away from it all. So the boys got an extra day at the hotel they love. They got slimed and tattooed. They played basketball, miniature golf and played in the arcade. Then we took them to Lego city at the Disney Marketplace. Another exciting place for boys. It wasn't till I was there that as I passed the Bibbidi Bobbidi Salon that I felt a little girl "pang." It was short lived when I thought about how my boys opted on their own to jump into bed with me the night before, even though the hotel room was complete with awesome bunk beds and a tv in their room. It was great how they, including their dad, carried all the bags for us ( sorry women's libers but I am on vacation and I can still beat most in a push up contest... I've got nothing to prove to my men). It was also great how Evan complimented me while I was getting ready to go to dinner for Jake's actual birthday saying, "Hello pretty girl." What a charmer. I am gonna have to watch out for that one when he starts dating.
And nothing can compare to the smile on Jake's face when he woke up and realized it was his birthday yesterday and his mommy had a note attached to a balloon wishing him a happy 8 and he hugged me and said, "I love you, mommy."

We enjoyed the afternoon after he came home from school and I had an adventurous morning trying to make the shark shaped cake ( not from a mold mind you) he wanted. For a while, it was a standoff between me and the shark, Not a good situation. But Jake's face lit up when he saw it. There was no evidence of the struggle by the time he got home. His nana and papa bought him two coveted movies, Up and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, so we watched Up, just me, Evan and Jake snuggled on the couch intent in the plot of the movie. We then headed off to his favorite restaurant, Flanigan's ( I should get kickbacks for all this promotion shouldn't I?) and then back home to attack the shark.

Last thing we did was kind of selfish on my part but something I love to do on their birthdays... cause after all it's kind of my celebration too. I sat with them on the couch and looked back at the pictures from the day they were born. They both got a kick out of it and of course Evan thought the photos were all of him. I told him which ones were Jake and he would insist it was him as a baby. Then I snuggled with them, and that was my favorite part of the day.

Did you ever have one of those days?

Most of the time when you hear someone say, "did you ever have one of those days?" it connotes a sense of defeat or frustration with the way the day went. Well not here. I like to think of myself as a mostly positive person but usually my days with work half the day, commitments and deadlines and my two boys all the other hours of the day leave a lot of room for uh ohs, oopsies and mishaps. So in this instance when I ask, "did you ever have one of those days?" I am referring to a day when the planets aligned, everyone was calm and all things were right in my world.

It was a Monday and the kids woke up on time and happy while John slept. The cat got fed, lunches were made and Jake had time for, vitamins, drink and an egg. There was no wasting time getting ready and no whining. After dropping both kids to school I got to work on time without feeling rushed. I had time to run a quick errand between jobs, then it was home for lunch. After checking emails, I left in a flash to get the boys. Jake had a great day, made a request for me to stop at D&D for a snack and when I told him "no" there was no retort. We picked up Evan and he too was in a great mood. And most of the time the boys are in great moods, it's just the afternoon rush of homework and activities can often takeover and make them and me a little nutso. But on this particular day I found a perfect balance keeping Evan busy at the playroom table with coloring and then a floor puzzle while I helped Jake with homework. They even came into the house and washed up without me having to tell them. I had time to make them a healthy juice and celery and ranch snack (usually it is a battle since Evan is a chip monster) and they both accepted without objection. Whew. This all may not seem like a big hurdle to some but most moms, of boys especially, know how difficult getting one to focus on homework while the other is entertained can be. Everything got done, they had time to play and then I started dinner with only a half an hour to spare before Tae Kwon Do. That can also be problematic some days as the little one needs help getting his outfit on and belt tied and they both tend to procrastinate getting ready until the last minute no matter how many pleas I make. However on this day I had their outfits laid out on their beds and they were on it like champs. I had everything ready to go and we were out the door. John and I made the trade off, him taking Evan home when his session was done and I waited for Jake who was done an hour later. Jake got out on time and was a perfect gentleman, even holding the door for me.

Dinner was a hit, according to John, and the bedtime bath routine went off with no problems, the kids even had a little visit from nana and papa. Snacks were had, teeth were brushed and books were read and both boys were in bed in semi -lit rooms by 8:15. A switch was made at some point around 8:30 and the two were snuggled up together in Evan's bed. I could only stop a minute and stare at their precious faces as they slept so peacefully. My heart was happy just looking at them. They have that power over me to make my heart smile, no matter what kind of day I've had, but what a great day this was. Did you ever have one of those days?

Breaking Hearts

Valentine's Day is creeping up and my heart's all a flutter. Since having my boys, I am always thinking of ways to make V-day special for them, not just my hubby. In the past I 've taken them on "dates," given them stuffed animals or little dollar toys and almost always make them special goodies to eat, with red and pink icing or sprinkles of course.
So this year I kicked it off with signing up my oldest, Jake, and I for the "Sweetheart Dance" at his school. This is the dance where fathers and their daughters and moms and their sons get gussied up and purchase a corsage, get a photo taken and dance the night away to the stylings of a dj, taking breaks for refreshments, pizza and dessert. This is the dance I couldn't get into last year because I was too late signing up and Jake seemed a little bummed about it. Therefore this year I made it my priority to sign up with a check the very next day the flyer came home in the backpack.

I was talking about this event for weeks and I even made sure Jake had a brand new collared shirt while I picked out a pretty red shirt for the occasion. Now the morning of the event, I had a little hint that maybe Jake wasn't as excited as I, when he exclaimed, "Mom, please don't wear the red lipstick..it's embarrassing." Ouch, that didn't feel good, but I would certainly oblige.

That night Evan, my baby, was to have a boys night with his daddy. Meanwhile while I was getting ready, Jake came into my room not looking particularly thrilled. I, however, was on cloud nine. The whole idea of taking my little man to a dance made my heart happy and it was like we were pals for a moment. But that moment was fleeting. Once I walked into the kitchen and saw Evan with tear-filled eyes asking me not to leave, my heart was sad. I was probably a little more devastated than I am letting on, however that was just preparation for what was about to happen next... After I calmed Evan down a little and promised to hurry back, Jake and I walked out of the room and he said, "let's just get this over with." Someone may as well have shot me at that moment.

Let's just get this over with? Really Jake? So now I am realizing that I am breaking one child's heart only to go out on the town with the other one who doesn't even really want to go. My heart was doubly broken in a matter of two minutes. Of course my hubby John kept reiterating that Jake is only seven and he doesn't realize the meaning behind what he is saying... blah, blah, blah, blooey... yeah I get it but it still hurts. Jake realized his faux pas after a few moments and apologized. Again, it still hurts because I know his heart is not in it.

SO now I disappointingly escorted my reluctant sweetheart to the dance where we waited on a line. I promised him that we didn't have to stay long but something amazing happened when we got there. Jake spotted some friends and all is well in his world. Mine is still crushed. I tried to fake my hurt and I plastered a perma-smile on my face while taking pictures of him having a ball, getting on stage and dancing to "Greased Lightning" with his buds wishing he would want to dance to at least one song with me. Closing in on the two-hour long dance he finally does the conga line with me. Beggars can't be choosy. I am just thrilled he let me into his world and sat with me to eat pizza and cake. By the end I just wanted to get home to Evan whom I knew would be waiting.

When Jake and I arrived home, Evan was giggling and having a blast with his dad in the playroom and I was happy for them. I was also happy that whatever little pain I had caused him was long gone. Unfortunately my heart was still smarting. After all it was a double blow. Sure, Evan got passed it and I did with Jake to some extent... but what it meant still bothers me. It meant that Jake is growing up a bit and doesn't always want mom around. Mom is not his only girl anymore, nor does he need me for everything. He is becoming a little independent and I guess I should be a little excited for him. As for me if this is a sign of things to come, I think I will stock up on the chocolate and get the tissues handy cause my heart's gonna get broken a lot.

Copycats

Jake and Evan are doing this thing lately where they copy what everyone is saying. They do it to each other, to me, grandparents, even their daddy. When they do it to each other, it's cute for a moment but it gets annoying to me pretty quickly. I know that this is just another form of expression but I do try to quell it when I think it has gone on long enough. It usually loses its appeal with them after a few rounds anyway. However I realize there must be more to it because it appears in other forms. Maybe it's the curious side of children or just their ages but copying or mimicking seems to be running rampant... and it's not always annoying. In fact, I am seeing it is an interesting way to learn.
For example, I have Jake dusting his furniture in his room. It is a way for him to earn points and money when we go to Disney and it teaches him responsibility. I have him do it on the days that I clean so he can feel like he is pitching in too. Well my requests for him to clean aren't always welcome and that was the case this weekend. After some complaining, and me explaining why he needs to do it, he did it. Then along comes Evan with his own agenda why he shouldn't have to clean his room. I guess it wasn't my day. So before I could even start my sermon to him, the boy I call Jake who just a few minutes prior was pitching his own fit, turned into a grown man all of a sudden, spewing out to Evan all of the reasons I had just given him on why it must be done. Jake turned into me for a moment. And sometimes he turns into his daddy too. This happens often lately and it is quite comical. So maybe he does get it. I'm thinking the initial protests are just to wear me down.
I guess the funniest copycat move came today in Target. I am a little bit of a germ-o-phobe. I love hats but hesitate to try them on in stores because of lice and other gross things that I may not want on my head. So when I pick up a hat I swipe it with my hand, blow in it and shake it out. So I did that today after Evan and I saw the cutest hats in the boys section on clearance for $2 each. Of course I did my hat maneuver before letting Evan try his on. Then I turned to look at something else. When I turned back I saw Jake copying the same move before he tried on his hat.
Who says they aren't paying attention? Being a copycat can sometimes be a good thing! I just hope they copy the important stuff along the way.

Wellness Wednesday

Welcome to 2010! I have renewed energy for my fitness goals this year and I hope all you moms out there do too. I hope you made your lists. If you notice I wrote "fitness goals" and "lists" because in order to get somewhere you have to know where you are going and have a map or plan. Just like you wouldn't go grocery shopping without some sort of list... that would be a waste of time right? As busy moms, most of us would leave without half the stuff we needed. I am not being insulting, I am just stating an example of how we usually get things done on a daily basis... and that is with some planning or list. Integrate that concept with actually reaching a major goal - getting a degree, running a marathon. Needless to say major goals would be hard to achieve, even without children, if you didn't have a plan. The point is, so many people say they want to lose weight or get in shape but have no idea how to do it and no plan. For my almost 20 years in the fitness industry, it never fails that I see a big wave of newcomers in the gym every January and by March they are nowhere to be found. That's because they didn't have a plan or a trainer to keep them on track. They certainly had the desire but what happened? No plan.

The biggest pitfall is that if you do not work it into your busy schedule, it will slowly but surely disappear. There will always be an excuse not to exercise. It has to be a priority, like brushing your teeth... okay I hope it is a little more fun for you than that. If not, then you definitely have to check out your options to make it enjoyable. Remember, there is a social dimension ( see my entry on dimensions of exercise) which delineates the importance of families, friends and other outside influences. For example there are all kinds of group exercise activities at the gym or walking groups.Those walking /running groups are also great if you plan to get involved with a cause or charity event, like a 5k walk/run for example.

For me, my new passion to make my fitness goals more fun and attainable is working out with my kids with the Wii. I finally gave into a gaming system this holiday season, with the compromise that it had to be Wii Fit. Of course as a fitness instructor and personal trainer, I had my reasons, however now I find the kids are using it, loving it and want me to participate with them. I have even experienced soreness in my back muscles from the boxing. Of course there is no substitute for getting outside and taking our bike rides and runs together... but heck it's been cold here in sunny Florida! The Wii Fit was here just in time for the 40 degree weather, so I couldn't use that as my excuse not to work out.. and after seeing the fun my kids were having with me while being active...that was just fine with me.

A Hopeful New Year

I hope everyone reading this had a wonderful holiday season full of joy and good cheer. Reflecting back at the past year this has certainly been a year of revelations for me and my family. Persistence and hard work has proven to each of us that we can achieve our goals, no matter how big or small.

Every year I relish all the new experiences and the "firsts" that the boys have. They don't realize how special it is to watch them do or try something for the first time. I guess this is a privilege reserved only for a mother or father. Each new challenge is growth and it's always interesting to see how they handle it. This year Evan connected with his inner pirate and we have decided to give him a big boy room, like his brother, making that his theme. Jake has grown by leaps and bounds and seems to eat more eggs than I can keep up with. He has now grown big enough to ride his sporty new bike that we bought him for his 7th birthday. He finished playing soccer for a while and his first year of CCD. Evan started gymnastics and showed great dexterity and promise. I think he was amazed at what he could do. Both boys decided to start Tae Kwon Do and have been sticking with it so far. It is giving them focus and it's great exercise for them. They love to show off how high they can kick.. We did a thing I like to call "Mommy Camp" this summer. Money was tight so I made up my own camp for them and during one week I took off work and conducted a week-long program of non-stop fun and games. One of the games I taught them was UNO, a favorite of mine as a child. We kicked off this camp with a visit to a fishing Hall of fame, then headed to a zoo and two museums. Plenty of play dates at our pool were on hand as well. We were fortunate enough to spend two weekends of the summer away as a family, and that is always special time.

Jake headed into second grade while Evan started his second year of pre-K. Evan enjoyed a Power Ranger themed 4 year-old birthday party at our home. My hard work culminated in the end of a long journey this year. I finally published my book, A Wasted Life. It was released in November and the celebrations to share it with family and friends were so special to me. I thank everyone who supported me. I am grateful for all the lessons it taught me and I hope it shows the boys that if you want something and work hard at it, you can achieve it. The excitement led us right into the holidays as we visited Disney World with Nana and Papa. As I wrote previously, it is in Disney World where I received the first copy of my book. Gee I wonder if the kids are enjoying this "first" as much as I am.

Sitting with my boys on New Year's Eve, after a fun evening with friends at First Night, anticipating the ball to drop and the start of a new year, again I had a new or "first" experience... both of my boys were awake and rang in the new year with me. It was a happy moment for me. I saw the wonder in Evan's eyes about what was happening, even for just a moment. Wouldn't you know it but a moment after the event all he wanted was his pillow and some sleep, it was midnight after all.

A TRADITION- Last year I made an attempt at crafting a beautiful decorative box for my coffee table after watching Martha Stewart. Well it is okay looking ( I'm no Martha) but I wanted it to be a wish box. A box where we could write down our thoughts about the past year and write our hopes for the future year. Jake participated this year and this is what he wrote: 2009 I like to go places with my family. I am thankful for having shelter and food and water and a pool and a tv and a wii ( just received for X-mas). The End.

I wrote: 2009 -I am most happy for my wonderful family and that we all enjoyed good health and great times in 2009. We continue to grow strong in love and trust as a family unit. The joy they bring me is priceless. 2010- In 2010 I hope our family will continue to flourish. I pray for peace in the world, good health and that Jake and Evan continue being the good boys that we try to raise them to be.I hope this will be a year of lots of love, laughter and good times. John, Jake and Evan, I love you very much - you are my everything... Love Mom